It’s raining!

Actually, it was chucking it down, but here’s the shock – I went out anyway!  raindrops-1192363-640x480

Don’t get me wrong, the alarm rang, and I could hear the rain on the window, and I’ll admit to being very tempted to turn over and go back to sleep.  After all,
– it would only be one morning I’d miss.
– no one would know.
– I could say I’d done something else instead.
– I could just do it later on if the rain eased.
– no one would expect me to run in the rain.

And they could all be valid excuses.  Except… if I miss one run, and get comfortable doing that, then I’d miss another one.  And another.  And another.  And then I’d be back where I started, pretending that everything is okay.  Pretending that I’m happy with myself, when inside I feel fat, frumpy and desperately unhappy with that feeling.

So, I got up anyway.  Got dressed and went out.  And do you know what?  It wasn’t actually that bad.  Yes, it was wet.  Yes, it wasn’t the warmest, but then again I get too hot when I run so actually that wasn’t a bad thing.  Admittedly, I didn’t go as far due to altering my route to avoid a really wet playing field, and I definitely wasn’t as speedy as I was watching my footing on the ground, but I still did it.

And the reward for that – I can get into a pair of jeans that wouldn’t fasten properly a week and a bit ago!
I’ve said here that I’m not weighing myself, and I’m sticking to that, but the feeling of being able to put on a pair of jeans and zip them up without having to lie flat on the bed and suck everything in is a brilliant way to track things.

Now that I’m starting to lose bulk, I need to start adding in toning – especially round my middle.  So I think, given that I’m usually back about 10-15 minutes before the “normal” alarm goes off, that I’ll start adding in a few crunches and stretches to try to flatten things out.  Nothing too fancy, just gentle movements based on pilates – in fact I have Darcy Bussell’s Pilates DVD which has a 20 minute programme.

I’ll see how that goes on my next run!

Today is the first day – and I’ve failed already…

However, this time I’m not going to accept that as an excuse.

Last night, I decided that I’d set my alarm earlier, get up and go for a “run”.
Okay, not really a run, more of a brisk walk to get my heart rate up, blood pumping, and all the good things you need to do.  There is no way I’d ever attempt a run at this point as I’m too unfit to do anything like that without collapsing into a huge sweaty heap.

Then, when my alarm went off this morning, my son (who had had a nightmare) was wrapped round me tightly as if his sleep depended on me.  Which, to be fair, it probably did for him.  So, I elected to stay in bed and let him sleep.

So, yes, I “failed”.  Except I haven’t.  I’ve offered reassurance to one of the people who matters most to me in this world and made them happier.  That’s not a failure.  So I can’t look at it that way.  What I need to do is look at my day today and work out what I need to do and what I need to move about to make exercise happen.

Now, as I may have mentioned, I’m not working at the moment.  My son is in school from 9am until 4.30pm due to after school activities.  I therefore have (allowing for travel time) 7 hours in which to do things.  And, what do I need to do?

  • washing – and the machine does all of that
  • cut the grass – before gnomes move in and set up home
  • do random unspecified “stuff” which I won’t end up doing because it’s too much hassle, I have no motivation, and I have so much time because I’m not working so I can put it off.

You see how I might fit some exercise in there?  What I actually mean is that someone might see me and laugh, so it’s easier not to do it at all.

Remember when you were at school and had PE class?  If you’re short with little physical aptitude then it is, quite frankly, a whole new circle of hell that Dante hadn’t even thought about.  The boys laugh at the girls and then the girls pick on the weakest.  Being honest, while no one ever deserves to be picked on, I didn’t help myself much either.  Openly liking classical music, superheroes (I was a geek long before it became popular) and not knowing what Radio 1 was (NB: if non UK residents are reading this, in the early 80’s Radio 1 was THE station to listen to because it played the top 40) and wearing clothes that my mother liked.   So, I was the weakest link and got laughed at…  and that only encouraged me to try to get out of PE and not do any exercise.

Getting up early was my way of trying to avoid being laughed at.  At 5am, there are very few people awake enough to notice a short, fat and sweaty woman trying to leg it about the place.  However, it’s not going to stop me.  I can’t run today, but I can stick on an exercise DVD instead.  Therefore, once the school run is done, it’s pilates for me, and then I might even cut the grass!